New Look On Life

A Rose is Still a Rose Even When It Makes You Bleed......
I used to believe in fairytales, love, and happiness ....but thats bullshit
I used to imagine loving someone sooo much that happiness would spill over on to everything in my life, my family, my friends, it would be fun, freaky, and id be free to be little old me, but thats bullshit....
Trying different avenues to find love well thats bullshit.....I am who I am and I dont want to be forced to change my cool nature, my hope for my future and that innocent view on minding my own damn business....for nobody.....I look at the beauty of the rose....its brightest when its still growing.. the smell is so unique...till you pick it.....you change its elements....you kill it cause you dont know how to love it....you pick it and the thorn makes you bleed...but to you its still a Rose...

All Smiles I'm High!!!

I set patiently in my Statistics class....holding back the pain that my tooth is causing me..
Ohhh God!! was all i could think.....how much longer....knowing that I was 3/4 thru...hurry the hell up...trying to work the standard deviation means NOTHING this pain in my mouth is like giving birth without drugs...some real live bullshit.....

Hour later
ALL SMILES IM HIGH and the pain is relaxed...not to mention Im overdosing on Ambesol....highshit....

Finally Ready

It's been months since i last wrote something..been gone but Im back...Get ready for my new life.

Who is he?

So the past couple of years I have been running back and forth to my Baby Daddy, and each time I have gone I have gotten the same results, INSANITY!!!!!!!
Well I have decided that I love myself and now I know my worth, and I have to break my own insanity.

So I got High

With the things that I have been going through, I am amazed that I am maintaining so well. Today has been wonderful even though I am losing my friend, I gained a more amazing feeling, the feeling of Accomplishment. I am making it through my past, and I am dealing with my present, not by what I want for my kids but what I want for myself.

I realized that family is what you make it, and mine is not the conventional family anymore. Hell, in all honesty, I knew it would never be black and white, my shit if pink all day long, lol.
     My friend is going through hell right now trying to find her place in life, and she doesn't know where to go, and when I look at her I see me and I want to reach out and help her and I think the best thing I did was tell her it's okay to go and touch the unknown, it's okay to try and if the devil rears his ugly face, run bitch, run.  I told her its never too late to turn around, no road is too skinny that you can't make that u-turn, just watch out for cops. I was so proud of myself that I got high with her and we laughed and laughed, even though she seemed ready to get mushy....

Go Figure

Posted 8/20/09

Sometimes I ask myself WTF is wrong? I have had a history of getting involved with abusive men, and giving to much of myself and getting nothing in return, go figure.
Six years ago I walked away from a really bad situation and got on top of my game, found a career that cashed out $40,000 a year two kids set in a nice apartment, shopping, going out with the girls and just being the new me...sounds scrumptious, right?
THEN.... My grandmother dies and I get back in touch with my oldest child's father, and yes, he was abusive,but hey that was ten years ago before he went to prison,go figure.
And there went the spiral. At first it was good smoked something, laughed, talked-which as a couple we never did and it felt new, and of course the sex was the bomb, this is my soul mate, right? go figure..
I had fallen in love and no one could tell me different, we lived 900 miles away, and I started flying him in to spend the weekends and next thing you know I planned the next child, go figure... And quit my job to move to him and then the abuse began,go figure....
Now I'm back to square one trying to get back on top and wondering why it took losing everything just to truly find me, go figure.....

Over Extended Interviews

Posted 8/21/09

     Okay so I have been on two interviews in the last three days and damn, no job, what I'm I saying, I feel confident, dressing appropriately, so why do I have to go through so many interviews? I won't say what companies cause everyone uses the web and you never know but this morning after filling out the questionnaires on line I go to the interview, get in there 15 minutes early and again another 15 minute questionnaire. Finish with that I sit with a smile and twittle my thumbs as people come into the store. First interview the woman a sister, is talking so fast that I had to ask several times for her to repeat what she said, she blows through the questions and sends me back into the lobby. Again I sit and twittle my thumbs and smile as a child drops her sucker on the ground and without washing it off her mother stuck it back in her mouth,ick! I am then called for the rest of my interview, big white guy this time he's not into me really, or shall I say the constant yawning was driving me crazy. this goes on the for the rest of the interview with a " Someone from HR will contact you this week either at your number or a postcard"I don't want a damn postcard, that's a rejection. And if they weren't HR who the %#&@$! were they