So Aggravated.......Lord What's Wrong With Me

Some people know what it is to be in love and have it returned to you the same exact way that you gave it, me well, not so much. I can't let go of the fact that I have been in love with an asshole for almost all of my life, and I have repeatedly did some of the dumbest things to be with him and for what? nothing but to be treated like I am beneath him and then to be treated like a fool. I know that loving someone means giving your everything and committing only to him or her, right? Wouldn't it be considered cheating to keep lines of communication open with people you've slept with? Would you want to be subjected to hearing about their past flings with other women or men while you lived only for the moments to be with that person? Could you live each day going back and forth without friends and family for a person who insinuated that you were a liar? Could you continue to fuck in a bed that possibly had people from your neighborhoods nut stains? I continue to ask myself the same question that he asked me "Why you wanna be with him?" I always dreamed him to be what I made up in my mind, and then to actually live it out, Lord what's wrong with me?